An Ode to Being Chubby/Husky/Big..Whatev!

one of my fave entries which i'm revisiting since i'm still on this quest:

so i read an article from cosmopolitan a couple of years ago about gwen stefani, who by the way has a really kick-ass body, and she quoted something along the lines of, "it hurts to look this good." being that we live in the world that is 90% egocentric, superficial attributes have become more valuable than inner qualities.

so i was at the gym last night, where i initially wanted to look cool and well poised (how gay is that for real), but 15 minutes down the line on the treadmill when i was sweating buckets and my nicely-fitted white T was drenched, i said, "FUCK IT.." at that point, i didn't care about anything else but completing my 30 minutes and getting enough oxygen in my lungs! GAAAHH, i was calling out all the angels and saints of the heavens above to give me the strength because it hurt so baaaadd, especially the last 10 minutes!!! that's when i realized, "motherfucker, it's so hard to look as beautiful as me." then i laughed out loud of course. then to avoid grossing people out, i wore my hooded sweater despite the buckets of sweat pouring out of me, and as i listened to my ipod i began lifting weights to the song by scissor sisters, "CUZ YOU'RE FIIILLLTTHHYY, AND YOU'RE GORJJJEEZZZ! YOU'RE DISGUSSSTTING. OOOOHH, AND YOU'RE NAASSTEEEH" but dammit, there's nothing worst than people hovering over you while you're trying to concentrate on your counts and rhythm, and that just totally irritated me. but it was a great workout nonetheless.

so i finished my workout, and all of a sudden, i had this intense craving for nachos, and my fave nacho arrangement is a bed of freshly-fried tortilla chips with guacamole and salsa on top and grilled chicken breast (heavy on the guacamole please). but after the torturous moment i had on the treadmill, there was no way that i would give in to this temptation. so i opted for my protein shake instead, a pear, and a fuji apple. obviously they weren't as decadent nor satisfying but they eliminated the hunger mongrel.

so why am i blogging about "looking good?" i'm not one of those typical twinky gay boys (thank God and the Goddess) or musclemen who have been blessed with high metabolism and can eat anything and not gain an ounce of fat. i also love food, and at one point in my life i can honestly say that this has become an addiction for me. the countdown to my 37th birthday is rapidly approaching (uuhhm i'm 38 now, just an fyi), and though i will forever be 28 in my heart and soul, i have to be realistic as far as what i need to do so that i may live a long and meaningful existence.

now that i'm older, i vow to be even healthier in mind, body, and spirit. great health is a must for me, but without being hypocritical, DAAAMMN, I WANNA LOOK EVEN BETTER! and yes it hurts to workout, and there are plenty of times when i would rather trade my bed for the treadmill or the workout bench, but every time i finish a good workout, the rewards are fanfuckintastic! and yessss, for 37, (DIDN'T I JUST SAY 38?) i look damn good! i'm feeling better, and getting healthier. hey, if we can't learn to love ourselves first and appreciate our accomplishments, achievements, even the lessons that we're learning from our setbacks, then we might as well dig a whole six feet under and jump in. love needs to come through from our core first before we can expect to give and receive the same.

so i still put a lot of value on the saying that, "it's the inside that counts..." but for heaven's sake darling, what positive quality of life will all that "good insides" bring into your life if you're unhappy about your exteriorities? remember, what you put out there and what you represent for yourself is exactly what the universe will throw right back at you.

i'm on my way to reaching my goals, my ideal physical status, but as long as i'm learning along the way throughout this journey, the destination is just the icing on the cake...DID SOMEBODY SAY CAKE???