Summer is officially over for me beginning tomorrow, school goes back into session. I don't know whether to leap for joy or weep for once again submitting myself to an array of provocative, evocative, life-altering mental workout. I'm entering my doctorate program's second year, and not a day passes by that i don't question why I'm pursuing such a deeply involved and monumental endeavour. It's so intense!
I am in the midst of resculpting my life, and many times I am very overwhelmed by not so much the myriad of the alterations that are taking place but by the intensity of the emotion of fear that is so unshakable at times that I feel very much crippled and despaired. As fragments of myself are being chiseled, I am left feeling raw, vulnerable, and exposed. My heart and soul ache, yet my conscious mind nonchalantly shrug this off as inconvenient nonsense, false and histrionic. My recent state of affairs have been very present in my dreams lately, and there have been moments when their emotional component is carried over to my waking state, fermenting and lasting. This is what being in the Ph.D. program has done to me so far. Surprisingly enough, in the past year I've learned more about myself that I ever have at any given moment. I think I just had an "aha" moment. Perhaps this is the reason why I'm insistent on taking this path. I really want to rediscover more of who I am and what my reality is all about, based on nobody else's agenda but my own.
So as I begin a new chapter of experiences, I'm accruing more wisdom. I'm stepping into my power, and I embrace this with much openness and gratitude.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Go for it...
Post a Comment