Reflection

Autumn marks the season of harvest and bounty and the reaping of ripened crops, just as it also symbolizes the time that initiates decay and expiration, a necessary process that ultimately leads to growth and transformation. This is a fitting metaphor for where I am in my journey.

In the last five years of my life I have been on a spiritual quest, yearning to experience a much more meaningful existence so that I may evolve into a higher level of consciousness, and it was during this period when I came to the realization that I have redefined my relationship to God. Prior to this moment of my spiritual awakening, religion had always been at the center of my life, and coming from a devout Catholic upbringing, my faith was the adhesive that bonded the two most significant facets of my life together: my family and my sense of self. In re-examining my faith, I began to question the validity of the dogmatized creed that ruled my life. Because my dissolution into my faith left me with a weak sense of self, this process of spiritual exploration is something that I still find challenging and at times inflicted with fear and guilt because of my strong connection to Catholicism. I find that there is a tremendous amount of responsibility associated with being a seeker. It is the process of disconnection, discovery, and discernment. It is the actualization of the spirit, the death of the familiar associations from limiting beliefs and values, and the rebirth of the illuminated psyche. Progressively, I am realizing that what I found to be a desecration of my Catholic faith such as my exploration of shamanism, metaphysics, and Eastern practices became my sources of inner peace and healing. In questioning the authentic nature of God, I am finding myself.

As part of my doctorate curriculum, I registered for the Spiritual Counseling class with the intention of fulfilling a requirement for the Spiritual Counseling Certificate program, but I am very certain that this is a process in and of itself that will address many underlying issues for me pertaining to my continuously evolving relationship to God. I get the sense that I’m going to get more than what I bargained for, thus I’m approaching this class very cautiously. Paradoxically, the lure and deterrent of the class for me is its extremely experiential and personal approach. In the last couple of sessions, matters that I thought have been dealt with resurfaced once again bringing forth the same quality of energy that it once did for me as a child, matters dealing with God, homosexuality, punishment, damnation, and faith. It is unnerving to have to face these issues once again yet there’s a certain kind of strength, empowerment, and peace that shadow this acquaintanceship.

In taking the Spiritual Counseling course, I am interested in learning about how to effectively deal with transference and counter-transference from the spiritual counseling paradigm. How does a psychotherapist effectively balance the clinical and spiritual approaches of working with non-existential crisis such as certain mood disorders? How do we guide the client, spiritually, safely and effectively?

I am looking forward to unveiling my authenticity as I peel the layers of my values, belief systems, and inherited notions that no longer serve the purpose for me to learn, transform, and evolve. So as I begin a new chapter of triumphs, successes, failed attempts, and difficulties I'm accruing more wisdom, and I'm stepping into my personal power. I try my best to embrace every facet of my journey with such openness and gratitude as I gently remind myself that this is part of the whole process of individuation and growth.